We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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