Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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