and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize