Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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