he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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