Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize