There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize