Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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