i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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