He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize