If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
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Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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