I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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