Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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