i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize