1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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