I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
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