Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize