like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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