I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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