If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
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Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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