jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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