i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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