His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
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he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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