Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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