i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
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I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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