I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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