how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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