I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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