The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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