last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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