Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize