Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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