2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize