At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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