I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize