I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
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I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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