cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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