Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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