She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize