well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
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Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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