We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
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He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize