Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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