Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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