When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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