Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
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And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
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I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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