ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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