how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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