his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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