Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We need a shit load of segways right now
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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