Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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